Paul R. Hinlicky (aka Dad) and I have just wrapped up two years’ worth of episodes on the Queen of the Sciences podcast, which boasts the tongue-in-cheek subtitle “Conversations between a Theologian and Her Dad.” I’ve recently rediscovered a “conversation” we had thirty years ago, when I gave him a notebook full of questions to fill in at Christmas 1990. What follows is an exact transcription (including eccentric spelling and punctuation) of the original. You can also listen to us read it (nowadays, not thirty years ago) on the podcast proper. Merry Christmas!
Christmas 1990
Dear Daddy:
This book is filled with endless questions I have – about you. I want you to answer them, so I have a record of you to “pass on.” It’s very important to me, and there are some rules:
1. These questions are not intended to amuse you so please answer them seriously!
2. You’re only allowed two “I don’t remember”s and three “you shouldn’t know/it’s none of your business”s. And no more!
3. Simple “yes”es and “no”s are not acceptable. Elaborate.
4. In the blank space at the back of the book, I’d like you to write some of your own questions. OK?
5. I want it back, completed, by May 28, 1991. (That’s my 15th birthday, by the way.) That gives you a little over 5 months to complete it.
6. One last thing. Here’s a little glossary of Spanish interjections I may have used:
¿por qué? — why?
¿por qué o por qué no? — why or why not?
y — and
¡Hola! — hello
Por favor — please
¿Qué es? — what is it?
Das ist alles!
(für jetzt)
Sarah
P.S. Merry Christmas, Fröhe Weihnachte, Veselé Vionace (whatever), Feliz Navidad, and I love you very much!!!
Did you travel around a lot with your parents when you were a little kid?
Before we bought the farm — yes. Every summer we went to Chicago to see Gramma’s family. When I was five we went to Florida. But that was so miserable with five kids and no AC that I think it was one of Grandpa’s motives for buying the farm.
What were your elementary school grades like? high school?
I always did well in school. Like you, I learn to read early and really like to read. I didn’t work as hard as I could have in high school.
What is one of your most vivid memories of Grandpa Paul?
Sitting on the couch with him in his living room in Byram, his arm around Mark and I, watching TV as he smoked his big cigar, filling the room with blue smoke. He loved us.
What sort of food did your mother make for dinner when you were a kid?
Spaghetti
Spaghetti
Spaghetti
chuck steak once in awhile
How were you treated, being a pastor’s kid?
I was treated very well, but as the oldest, I was privileged. My brothers had a harder time. Basically, I have happy memories of my father’s congregations. In school, though, it was sometimes lonely, being “different,” being a “PK.” But the strength to be “different” turned out to be a great advantage in my life.
What were your favorite TV shows?
Star Trek
Bonanza
I Dream of Jeannie
The Twilight Zone
Yankee Baseball
Later on —
All in the Family
Mary Tyler Moore Show
Mash
← books?
I used to read every book I could find about World War II, as a child. In high school, Dickens made a big impression on me and so did Shakespeare. But modern fiction just didn’t grab me very much. I read drama more eagerly.
By the time of college, my reading interest had really shifted to history, philosophy. When I was a senior, I read the New Testament cover to cover.
← music groups?
The Beatles!
Mamas & Papas
Gary Puckett and the Union Gap
The Supremes
I liked all the popular rock & roll of the 60s.
How did you ever get so phenomenally lucky as to get your high school to do “Shhh!”?
I won the contest because the play was really funny, and because the play was about the “war between the sexes” which people are always interested in.
Did you act in it?
No, Mark did. I directed it.
Why did Betty think it was about her?
Because it was. Though I exaggerated considerably, like all writers, I used my own experience to make a statement.
Who or what inspired you for it?
I have always liked comedy and I wanted to make people laugh at how silly and selfish and superficial our smug, suburban life had become. I kept a notebook by my bed, and would jump up in the middle of the night to write down good ideas for the play.
Why did you choose Bard?
A combination of reasons: 1) we didn’t get very good guidance, 2) it was in Upstate New York and not too far from home, 3) it had a good a theater program which I was interested in at first, 4) I got a scholarship
← Bronxville?
When I decided to study for the ministry, it was the place to go.
← Ft. Wayne?
ditto
Did you know or like Mommy before the fateful May 10th when you started going together?
I had my eye on her, but we hardly knew each other.
Why did you decide to “ask out” Mommy?
She told me I had a “sexy” back.
Who proposed to whom? Or was it just a big misunderstanding that got the two of you married?
I said: “I’m going to Seminary in St. Louis — we better break up.” She got mad and said, “What makes you think I’d marry you anyway!” I said, “Well, you would, wouldn’t you?” She said: “Yes.”
Do you recommend the 2½ week and then three-month engagement for the average couple?
No!
What was your reaction when Mommy told you she was pregnant with me?
I was numb. She announced the news the first week of classes in my first year of Seminary.
How did you manage to stay out of Vietnam?
I turned 18 in 1970 and the war was already winding down. My birthday came up early in the lottery — #31 I think. But I got a college deferment. The U.S. was out of Vietnam by 1973.
What have all of your jobs been? (Not just your career work, but include that, too.)
In order:
caddy
gardener at the county building
library assistant at Bard
animal keeper at lab — summer
manpower temp
butcher’s assistant
warehouse worker
bus driver
gardener for rich people
vicar
night watchman
teaching assistant at Union
assistant pastor in Harlem
vice-pastor in Queens
researcher at LCA
pastor at Delhi
chaplain — Navy Reserve
vice-pastor at Richmondville
adjunct at Hartwick
editor — Lutheran Forum
If you only went to seminary to satisfy your curiosity, what were your original career plans?
To be a philosopher
Did you plan to be ordained, or was it just part of the curiosity thing?
It happens that a guy a couple years ahead of me at Seminary, James Thomas, had the church in Harlem and offered me the assistant pastorate — so I was ordained.
How do you stay alive with the income you had on Long Island?
A guy named Charlie Schmidt in the church in Seaford was a funeral director. He paid me $50 to say prayers for dead people who had no church. I did about 30 such funerals that year.
Who were the members of your wedding party? Why did you choose them?
My brothers Mark, Tim and Dan (?) & Phil Miksad who had been my roommate for 3 years.
Did I scream a lot as a little kid?
No, but when you were sick your diapers really stunk and when I had to change you I got nauseous.
Why Union?
Just like Bard: I liked the location and I got a scholarship
Do you regret going there? ¿Por qué o por qué no?
No, I was much better prepared, having Fort Wayne & seminary behind me. As difficult as Union was, it was also very important. But negative experience of Protestantism gone wacky made me a better Lutheran.
How (exactly) did you and Chris von Dehsen meet?
On the day (my second year at Union) when he and Bonnie moved into their apartment on our floor.
What is your opinion of the total Manhattan experience?
Great, if you have lots of money and no kids. Lousy because of the constant fear of crime.
Whatever possessed you to bring us to Jersey City?
Cheap rent.
What made you decide to work at the LCA headquarters?
There were no teaching jobs available at all. There were no parish calls either at that time for a Seminex grad. When Paul Brndjar offered me the job, it was a great opportunity.
What did you do at the LCA headquarters?
I did research and writing for the LCA on social issues:
war and peace
racism
women and men
I also traveled a lot to do workshops with pastors & congregations.
What languages can you speak or read?
I can translate:
Hebrew
Latin
Greek
I can read
German
Do you agree with me that when we lived in Garfield we were pretty much all on our own separate planets?
It was stressful.
Did you want to work as a pastor (at Immanuel) or was that mainly a plot to get out of NYC?
Yes.
Are you glad you’ve spent so much time at Immanuel?
These have been the happiest years of our life. No matter what you do or where you go there are frustrations. In the final analysis, I have to believe, that is, to trust in God’s plan.
Do you wish you could be teaching instead?
No — not “instead.” I would like to teach, but it’s much more than a job. It has to be right for the church.
Why did you choose the gospel of St. Mark for your dissertation?
Why do you like, say, your favorite color, or food, or TV show, or novel? Mark just “grabbed” me
Did you ever resent your parents for making you move so much?
Yes, but then they settled down in Raritan. I lived in Stamford, CT; Mastic Beach, Patchogue and Medford, LI; and in Cranford, NJ before in 7th grade they came to Raritan.
Why didn’t we ever go to church for that time in Jersey City?
That’s not accurate. We missed a lot of Sundays, though, because Mom was pregnant and I was traveling a lot.
Have you ever done something you REALLY regretted? What?
My interview at Gettysburg went beautifully until the last minute when I opened my big mouth and called psychology & sociology pseudo-sciences. That comment cost me the job.
Have you ever been arrested?
No.
Have you ever tried pot or any other strong drug?
Like other kids growing up in the sixties I tried pot. But, thank God, I saw what it did to those who used it regularly — turned them into zombies — and I turned away from it. I never used anything stronger.
How often did you succeed at being a Cardinal Puff-Puff?
Just once. —Then you made others learn.
If you could change ONE thing about the ELCA, what would it be?
I would make all the bishops use an effective deodorant.
I would abolish the quota-system.
What do you think of all this Iraq-Kuwait nonsense?
I am disgusted with all the flag-waving. We probably killed 150,000 Iraqis. Saddam brought it on himself, but we should hardly be rejoicing at this massacre.
If there is a war, do you think you have a good chance of being called into service?
Very little.
If I were 18, and a war with Iraq was still going, and I was drafted, I would contest it in court even if it meant going to jail. What do you think of this kind of action?
I would have to know your reasons. Read Wengert’s article in the May Lutheran Forum.
What was your reaction when you found out Mommy was pregnant with Will?
I was happy. We were trying to have a baby.
What is your (honest) opinion of women being ordained? How do you explain that passage in Titus? (No, I won’t read Lutheran Forum!)
My honest opinion is that the real issue is not whether women are ordained but whether it is to the ministry of Jesus Christ to which they are ordained.
As to Titus, even apostles got cranky at times.
Do you believe in the possible errancy of the Bible?
I see that there are “errors” in the Bible in the sense of various statements that are contrary to each other. I believe the witness of all these writings to Jesus Christ.
What was your high school identity?
Little bit hippie, little bit intellectual, little bit Jesus Freak, little bit actor. — In other words, as we used to say, I hadn’t “found myself” yet.
What was the last book of fiction you ever read?
Herman Wouk’s War & Remembrance
How do you manage to think of new sermons every week (or sometimes more often)?
I read a lot (input/output) and I believe in the Holy Spirit
Why don’t you like cats?
Because the cat we owned went into heat and drove me “bananas” with her constant screeching.
What do you think of me thus far into my existence? (I want a serious answer for this one.)
Not feel (my “feelings” are warm & fatherly)
I think that I could not have “programmed” a better person. If you are not lazy, you will achieve good things. If you learn to open up, your inner life will be rich. So I think you are smart and sensitive and what remains to be seen is your character — grace under pressure, perseverance, moral courage, endurance in adversity.
Did you have any real friends in high school or college?
Your mother has been my real friend for 17 years, and in that glow other friendships have lost their radiance. But yes, at those times, I had “real” friends who I enjoyed and could count on.
Why do you say, “Well, that’s pretty good” or “Why not a 100?” when I get high 90’s on a test or something? Why don’t you say you’re proud of me, etc. without me or Mommy urging you to?
Because part of my duty to you is not to let a talented person rest on her gifts. My love for you is not based on As or for that matter Ds. [← though maybe on Fs. —Will] My approval of you as a person couldn’t be measured by grades anyhow. I will be proud of you the same way I take pride in my own work: when something to the glory of God and the good of humanity is achieved (and then the compliments don’t matter)
Do you really think I’m going to get stuck in the ministry (like Chris v. D. says)?
If you get “stuck” in the ministry it would be the shame of a wasted life and certainly not pleasing to God.
Far better to pray and believe about your own future, “thy will be done.”
If not “yes” to the previous question, what can you see me doing with my life?
I hope you have had a happy enough home to desire marriage and children for yourself — when the right man is given. This is far more important than “career.”
But as for a career, it is a question of taking an honest inventory of your talents and likes, and the opportunities to serve — then acquiring the needed skills. Only you can answer these questions.
What do you think of Will and how he’ll turn out?
Will is a delightful little boy — all boy.
The hardest thing for every parent is to realize that finally you are not in control of how your child “turns out” — you too!
So earthly fathers too must trust the heavenly Father — in this case, that both you and Will will “turn out” OK.
Are you glad Mommy’s working now?
Mostly, though we all miss her. But, she needs to get on with her life’s work and we all need her income.
If I write a book someday (hopefully many!) and it’s published, but it’s fiction, will you read it?
Yes — if you read my theology books.
Would you advise me against going to Concordia? ¿Por qué o por qué no?
I don’t know. When the time comes, we will look and see
Why do you enjoy hunting and fishing?
My work is so human centered. Hunting and fishing take me to a world where man is not king. Also, my life is full of grave responsibilities, but hunting & fishing are “boyish”
Do you have a favorite color? ¿Qué es?
Red — Reformation/Pentecost/the color of my MG Midget
You’ve seen me act: am I a good actress?
Yes, I think so. Especially when you learn to project your voice and enunciate clearly.
Do you say a prayer before you open the service every Sunday?
Yes! Believe it or not, I often feel unsure and inadequate.
How do adults pray?
This adult mostly prays conversationally, in the mind. Many use devotionals or say the Lord’s Prayer morning & evening. Pastors of course pray with people a lot.
Did you find the majority of adults you knew (not all) as a teenager as shallow, hypocritical and as deeply in denial as I do? Explain, bitte, por favor.
Of course — all teenagers do. Then they grow up and learn some compassion.
What is [was] your favorite fairy tale?
Peter Pan — watching the videotape brought back to me the wonderful memory of seeing it on TV (in black & white of course) at my grandparents’ in Byram — I must have been 5.
Who was your favorite teacher (in any school or college)? Por qué did you like him / her? What did ____ teach?
Mr. Harris, who was our drama coach, and a good Christian who opened his home to us and helped us talk things out.
Congratulations!
You have successfully completed Part I!
(Hope it’s only mid-April by now.)
Questions for ME:
Fire away!
Are you happy?
Probably about as much as a teenager can be. Compared to some of my friends I’m in a constant state of ecstasy. But, like every other 15-yr.-old, I have growing pains that do drag me down.
Is it as hard for you to be a teen as it was for me?
Yup.
But right now the biggest problems I’ve got are: 1. coming to terms with the fact that you adults aren’t perfect, and therefore learning to have some mercy on you, and 2. coming to terms with the fact that I’m not perfect. And I’m very serious about that.
Do you want to learn to hunt?
Not really. I don’t find killing a pleasurable diversion.
What did you think of my answers?
Pretty impressive.
What do you think of Delhi?
As small towns go, great. I really like it here a lot — I just wish the town had a slightly larger population so there’d be more people in my school.
Do you have any normal/happy friends?
Cara? As far as I know, there’s nothing too weird going on there. Let’s see, what does that total? ...one?
Should we take Will with us to Czecho-slovakia next summer?
I’m not sure how much he’d APPRECIATE it (what an awful word), and I realize it would cost more, but I dislike the idea of leaving him behind for a month or more.
PROJECT AQ-0001 COMPLETED. FILE FOR FUTURE REFERENCE.